The Most Difficult Time in My Life

Image via Wired

Yesterday was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I had no idea there was even such a day. I found out via Geek Mom. Losing a child, no matter what stage of pregnancy or no matter how old they are, is one of the hardest things for someone to go through. I’m not saying that just because. I’m speaking from personal experience.

Yes. I lost a child. He was a year and a half when my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I lost him. It was the most difficult time in my life. People kept telling us that maybe it wasn’t meant to be. It was in God’s plan. But you know what I thought? I thought THIS FREAKIN’ SUCKS! WHY ME? WHY US? THIS ISN’T FAIR!

I didn’t know how to cope with his loss. I don’t think I left our apartment for about a month after it happened. I felt completely defeated. Like I might never be happy again. Although I had a lot of support from friends and family, it took me a really long time to be at a place where I wasn’t crying every day.

I had always wanted to be a mom but after losing our son, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to have kids again. I was scared. Scared that I might lose another child. It was about five years after he passed that I gained the courage to try again.

We were blessed with our first daughter in February 2009. A year and a half later we welcomed our second daughter. I cannot even begin to tell you how much joy they bring us. Sure I complain about things they do, but that’s part of being a mom. I still love them with all of my heart.

As far as words of wisdom to those who have lost children, I don’t have any. I just know that it definitely takes time to get things back to “normal.” And losing  a child really, really sucks.

I didn’t write this post to get sympathy or anything like that. I was just inspired by what was written on Geek Mom and wanted to share my story. 


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